Have you been dating for a while and feel unsure about the next steps of your relationship? Are friends or family expecting you both will spend the rest of your lives together, forever? Is your significant other saying that you’re “the one” for them, making you uneasy?
If you’re asking yourself whether you’re truly ready to take the plunge with the special someone that you’re with, here are a few things you need to think about.
Holding secrets from your partner: Are you not revealing yourself to them entirely, or hiding your identity, tastes and preferences from them? Are you fearful that the other person may reject you or not like you if they truly knew you.This can also include pretending to be someone you know you’re not!Then ask yourself, if there’a any truth to that. If yes, take the time to discover why. If not, ask yourself what’s getting in the way.
Getting engaged or married due to fears of being alone: Worrying that you’re not likable or unlovable enough for someone else or justing wasting precious time is not a good reason to attach to someone else for life. Doing things out of fear is seldom a good reason.
Justifying that the person’s looks, status or income, makes up for what you don’t like about them. They may be the best friend, daughter, employee or family member to someone else, but if being with them doesn’t make your heart sing- think about that. A good catch is someone you can love and respect for the rest of your life. Someone you don’t have to settle for.
Feeling pulled to secure a relationship because others tell you it’s good for you or because you “should”. Friends and family might want to see you happy but they don’t necessarily know the ins and outs of your relationship with the other person. So it’s important to trust yourself and not make decisions based out of what’s right or wrong but instead, what’s the best decision for you both.
If any of the points above resonated with you, it probably means you need to think more about your relationship and what it means to you. You can still choose which way to go, but pause and consider.
Starting therapy when feeling uncertain about your relationships is not a big deal. You don’t have to do this alone and talking to someone else about what could be the most important decision of your life is truly giving yourself and the other person the respect and compassion you both deserve.
Therapy can help individuals and couples think more deeply about their relationships, the problems they experience (every relationship has problems!), and ways to work through individual issues and past baggage. It can make a good relationship stronger and a not-so-good one more discerning.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Send me your questions and thoughts about relationships below, or for more help–contact me here.