Here comes another wedding season and with it the complexities of managing expectations, friendships, romance and your own wants and needs. Some reminisce in the joy of togetherhood. Others grieve a lost relationship. The happy couple sitting behind you may be grappling with their own relationship as depicted in the final episode of Aziz Ansari’s Master of None (Season 1). Will their relationship survive? Will they ever walk down the aisle?
Should you find yourself if the situation of being invited to a friend’s wedding where the chances of running into your ‘ex’ are high, and not going is the best thing to do– you may want to read some of my thoughts shared with Stillman Brown on Primer.
Step 3: How To Tell the Bride & Groom You’re Not Going
Joking aside, if you make the determination this wedding is a no-go, how do you tell the bride and groom you won’t be at their special day? Depending on the circumstances (how bruising the rupture with your ex, how close you are to the wedding party, etc.) this could be no biggie or a real challenge.
Psychologist Vijayeta Sinh, PhD, owner of NYC Family Therapy, has dealt with a lot of individuals in this situation and offers a sound approach. “Just be honest and tell the host what your concerns are,” she says, giving a sample script: “‘I’d love to have shared your special day with you but Joyce and I ended on a bad note and the break up was pretty hard on us both, I think it’s best if we both had some time away from each other before we run into one another again’”.
If the bride and groom are really your friends, they’ll get it.
And should you decide to go, how do you handle yourself?
Tip #3: Kill With Kindness
Whether you had your heart broken or did the heart breaking, kindness and courtesy are your armor. Put ‘em on and don’t let ‘em slip. They will serve you well and true.
As Dr. Sinh points out, kindness doesn’t mean overly-friendly. “Keep the conversation brief and make a clean exit,” she says. Stick with “’It was nice to see you and I’m glad that you’re well’”.
This and more in the article which you can find here: http://www.primermagazine.com/2017/live/gentlemanly-advice-youre-in-the-wedding-party-so-is-your-ex
Self & Relationship expert Dr. Vijayeta Sinh, Ph.D. is committed to helping young men and women develop and keep healthy and satisfying relationships. Her advice has been featured in Reader’s Digest, NBC News, Business Insider, Nylon, Primer and Bustle. Connect on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.